The Story of Bizarro Rossi
by falcon-121
Summary: A Criminal Minds spoof involving the whole team.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: This was the first fic that I wrote. It is a spoof of Criminal Minds that I wrote and posted on the CBS Message Boards for the show. As a result, there were some inside jokes included that the other members of the message board would understand, but have nothing to do with the actual show. This whole story is meant to be kind of goofy, so don't expect a serious case or anything. Feel free to read and review if you like. Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Criminal Minds.**

Beep! Beep! David Rossi opened the door to his in-office microwave and let his eyes behold the ultimate treat. It had it all: chocolate, marshmallows, and an outer shell of graham crackers. Yes, it was a s'more, a.k.a. Rossi's Guilty Pleasure. Rossi wiped the little bit of drool off his face, then reached in and pulled out the snack that he loved so much. He took a seat, propped his feet up on his desk and sniffed in the glorious s'more scent. Then he went to work. Two seconds later (Rossi was already three-fourths of the way done), there was a knock at the door.

"Come in," said Rossi with his mouth full.

Hotch did as he was told, and regretted the decision immediately. What he saw when he entered that office shocked and disturbed him. David Rossi, a great profiler, a man that he had the utmost respect for, had been replaced with some sort of monstrous beast. Rossi sat there, cracker crumbs all over his lap, and that little bit of marshmallow stuck to his goatee. He opened his mouth to talk, but it was filled with chocolate and Hotch had to use all the ninja skills in his arsenal to not become sick (at least until he got back to his own office).

"Morning, Dave," Hotch said with a quizzical look.

"Yo. Need to see me?"

"We have a briefing in the conference room. We've been waiting for you." The quizzical look took a more stern appearance.

"You didn't tell me that."

"Actually, I did. Three minutes ago, to be exact."

Rossi just sort of shrugged that one off.

Hotch rolled his eyes. "I know you're rich and all, but do you have to be such a pig? I mean, look at yourself!"

Once again, Rossi shrugged it off, then took the last bite of his s'more. "I'm thinking about taking some vaca."

"_What__?"_ Hotch was shocked, and he couldn't hold back his shock for once. He kind of just stood there, dumb-founded.


	2. Chapter 2

Meanwhile, in the conference room, JJ, Prentiss, Morgan, and Dr. Reid were all waiting (some of them more patiently than others). JJ hadn't taken a seat yet (she usually stood while briefing the team), though she was strongly considering taking Hotch's seat. It was looking more and more comfy with every minute, especially since her high-heels weren't very comfy themselves. Prentiss was leaning forward a bit, left hand cupped under her chin to hold up her head. She twirled her hair a little with her free hand while chewing her grape bubblegum. The chewing was getting on Morgan's nerves. Well, not so much the chewing, but the obnoxious smacking she would make every ten seconds.

Hotch and Rossi stormed through the door, took their seats. JJ held back an eye roll, then started up the briefing snappily.

"Killer in Boston. Two vi... Reid! Wake up!"

Reid, who had drifted off while waiting for the "old married couple" (as the younger team members had so aptly named Hotch and Rossi, with how they had been arguing lately), jumped at least five feet when JJ's yell pierced his sleep.

"Yowch," Reid yelped as his knees banged against the bottom of the table.

JJ asked, "Are we all good now?" Then she noticed that Hotch and Rossi were still staring each other down, had been since they entered the room. She gave a resigned sigh, threw the file down on the table with a sharp flick of the wrist, took a seat and pinched the bridge of her nose.

Morgan leaned back a bit in his chair and grinned. He kind of enjoyed the idea of Hotch being on someone else's case for a change. Prentiss scooted over her chair to be closer to him, and they started speaking in hushed tones.

"I've got ten bucks says that Rossi blinks first," said Prentiss.

"Make it five and you've got a bet," said Morgan.

"You really that cheap?"

"I ain't no ambassador's daughter."

"Well, I'd hope not," Prentiss said with a grin. This was followed by a fist bump as they agreed to their terms.

The stare-down had lasted a good five minutes now, neither man had budged. Morgan and Prentiss had the popcorn ready, and were quietly munching away. Reid was knocked out, _again. _JJ had left to brew her life substance (for those of you playing along at home, that would be coffee). Let's just say that it would be a while before anything got done on this day.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Sorry for chapters 3 and 4 being so short, I promise that they get a little longer as the story goes on.**

The team loaded onto the jet. Well, all except for Rossi.

JJ gave Hotch a look that asked what the heck was going on. "Where is Rossi?"

"He is going on vacation."

"What the hell?!? Was ten years of retirement and the last two days not enough for him? Don't say that he is going to go watch the Cubs again."

"No, he is going hunting."

JJ sighed, "So you won't give me a vacation ever, but you give him about three days off every week to do whatever he wants?"

"Don't do this to me, JJ. You know that isn't fair."

JJ's eyes got a little watery, "What isn't fair is how much work you throw on me. I'm not your servant, Hotch!"

-

Meanwhile, Rossi was taking his own flight to Canada. He heard that there were a lot of moose there, so he decided to give it a try. He made his landing in Vancouver, took out his rifle and was arrested on the spot.

"I've done nothing wrong, officer."

"Hunting moose is illegal here."

"What kind of damn nation makes hunting illegal?!?"

The officer rolled his eyes and put him in the squad car. He radioed to headquarters that he got another American. I would tell you more about what Rossi said to the officer, but it would be censored.


	4. Chapter 4

The team had been flying for about five minutes. JJ sat in the corner seat, arms folded, glancing out the window with a slight pouty face.

"What's up with her," Prentiss asked, looking over at Morgan.

Morgan responded in a hushed tone. "Bet you ten bucks she and Will got in a fight."

"You're on! But wait... how do we find out whether she did or not?"

"Ummm... err... well, someone is going to have to go talk to Godzilla over there, I suppose."

"Hell no!"

Morgan grinned. "I hear ya'! We could go together."

Prentiss sighed. "Oh, alright, if you insist."

-

Meanwhile, Hotch and Reid were playing gin.

"So, where's the slacker," Reid asked.

Hotch grumbled a bit, but Reid didn't hear him. Didn't really matter to Reid, he had a different question now.

"Why is JJ sitting over there? She loves gin."

Hotch grumbled a bit more.

_Wonder if he is even listening to me,_ Reid thought. _Maybe I should test him. _

"How's Haley?"

Hotch glared at him. "Never ask that again," he said coldly, without raising his voice.

"Alright, alright," Reid said, all bug-eyed now. "Gin!"

Hotch threw the cards across the table. "Bull shit!"


	5. Chapter 5

Morgan and Prentiss took seats across from JJ, who did not even glance at them.

"Hey, girl. What's up," Morgan asked. No response. He waved his hand in her face a bit, said," JJ, I'm talking to you."

She sighed, finally turned toward them. "What?"

"We just wanted to check on you," Prentiss said innocently.

"This has nothing to do with money," Morgan added.

JJ suddenly went from pouty to skeptical. "Hm?"

Prentiss kicked Morgan in the shin.

"Ow! What the hell was that for?!?"

Prentiss rolled her eyes. "Ignore him. You can talk to us."

JJ sighed again, "I just don't understand why Rossi gets vaca every other week, while I work week after week after week aft..."

"We got it," Morgan said, "Is that all?"

"Yep. Not that big a deal."

"Ha," Prentiss exclaimed in victory, holding out her hand to Morgan.

"Dammit!" Morgan pulled out the crisp Hamilton that the Arby's cashier had given him yesterday for change.

JJ's glare was icier than anything that they had ever seen. It even rivaled the iciest stare of the King of Glares himself.

"Oh my," Prentiss said, "I believe it is time to leave." They rushed back to their former seats and sat quietly for the rest of the flight.

-

Brrrrring! Brrrring!

"Hello," Hotch said shortly after answering his cell. "Rossi... Yes... Uh-huh... You idiot... We are going to Boston, we'll come for you after the case... Hey, I wasn't the one that told you to take a vacation or shoot moose in Canada... Oh, cry me a river... Bye."* Hotch snapped the phone shut, and looked up to four pairs of eyes staring at him. "Rossi got arrested."

JJ snorted, then continued gazing out the window. Prentiss and Morgan looked at each other, then busted out laughing. Reid had fallen asleep, _again_.


	6. Chapter 6

The team arrived, unpacked, and entered Boston PD Headquarters. Introductions were made by JJ, who was talking to the head detective on the case, Gary Brown. Hotch and Morgan stood over to the side a bit, watching JJ and Brown talk.

"I'm sorry to inform you of this after you already arrived, but we don't really need your assistance," Brown said.

This took JJ by surprise, but she kept her composure.

"Oh, roadblock," Morgan whispered to Hotch.

"Watch the master work her magic," Hotch replied.

"We received a case file and a written invitation from your department to come," JJ said.

"I'm sorry for the confusion, but that invitation was not from me. You see, one of my detectives jumped the gun a bit, and took liberty on himself to invite you guys. I had no idea until today, about an hour before you arrived. I'm the head detective on the case, though, not him, and you don't have an invitation from me."

"Ouch," Morgan whispered, "Guess it is time to warm up the jet."

"Not so fast," Hotch whispered back.

"How much you wanna' bet that we are going home in about five minutes," Morgan asked.

"You should be ashamed in the lack of faith you have in her," Hotch replied.

"That isn't an answer," Morgan said, "How much do you want to bet?"

"Twenty that this case is ours in a couple minutes."

"Deal," Morgan said while shaking his boss' hand.

"Look," said JJ, "I understand that we weren't officially invited. But we just made a long, tiresome trip, and we don't want that to be in vain. Besides, we can help you if you let us."

"Wait for it," Hotch said slowly, "Wait for it..."

"Please," JJ asked with a pleading face. Those baby blues were enough to make the iciest of hearts melt, they were more than enough to convince Brown.

"Alright," he said, "We are kind of undermanned, so having a few extra hands wouldn't be a bad thing."

JJ glanced over to Hotch, her eyes blazing with pleasure over her latest success.

Hotch pumped his fist a bit in victory. "I hate to say I told you so, but--"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Morgan said as he forked over the twenty.

"Cha-ching," Hotch exclaimed as he pocketed the bill.

JJ rolled her eyes as she watched this little exchange, then cracked a little smile (her first one of the day).


	7. Chapter 7

Meanwhile, Rossi was chillin' (ok, more like steaming, but whatever) in jail.

"Do you not recognize me," Rossi asked the guard in a somewhat shocked tone.

"Nope," he replied, "can't say that I do."

"I'm none other than David Rossi," Rossi exclaimed.

"Who," he asked nonchalantly. His name was Sundin, according to his nametag.

"World-renown profiler, best-selling author, prestigious lecturer... Ring any bells?"

"Oh, you are _the _David Rossi," Sundin looked a little excited, as if suddenly recalling the "world-renown" profiler.

"Yes, I'm _the _David Rossi!"

"Sorry, never heard of ya'," Sundin said with a shrug.

"Oh you little..."

Sundin chuckled as the profanity bellowed out of Rossi's mouth.

-

Back with the team, Prentiss and Reid had found something to do while JJ worked her magic and Hotch and Morgan gambled. Reid had been looking for a worthy chess opponent since Gideon's departure, and Prentiss made the perfect candidate. Intelligent, funny, and a lot easier on the eyes than Gideon ever was. The two found a chess board (it is still a mystery as to why that was lying around the police department), and the duel was on. The first few moves were made silently, the two staring each other down. Reid looking studious, Prentiss wiggling her eyebrows as she thought about her next move.

"A-Ha," she exclaimed, "Check. Some genius you are."

"Not so fast, my friend," Reid said with a wag of his finger as he countered.

The crowd of detectives was growing as the chess match got more heated. Beads of sweat formed on both players brows. Pretty soon it was more than just chess, it was war. And then...

"Checkmate," Reid yelled. He stood up and did a moonwalk of victory to the applause of the audience of detectives (we won't mention that they should have been working).

"Damn," Prentiss groaned and laid her forehead down on the table in shame.

"We're on the case," Hotch said, pointing his fingers to the conference room on the left like an air traffic control man.

"Let's roll," Reid said, a goofy grin pasted on his face. Prentiss moped behind as Reid pranced toward the conference room.


	8. Chapter 8

As the Ridge Racer theme song started up in the conference room, Hotch answered his cell, "Hello... Yes, ma'am... Rossi decided to take some vacation, yes... I don't know why you weren't informed... As you can imagine, I wasn't too happy with him, so calling you wasn't my first thought... Yes, ma'am... We are on a case, I was just going to let him sit in the jail and think about what he's done for a while... Well, if you want to bail him out, then be my guest... Bye."

Hotch looked over at the rest of his team. "That was The Strauss," Hotch said, "She is driving up to Canada to bail out her ex... I mean Rossi."

"What was that about ex," Morgan asked.

"I have no idea what you are talking about," Hotch lied with a straight-face.

"Can we go up there, kill them both, and then celebrate with some waffles and maple syrup," JJ asked.

"No, nice try, though."

"Nice try, though," JJ mimicked under her breath.

"Hm?"

"Nothing," she said with a smirk.

"Anyway, let's focus, we have a lot to get done." And with that, the team was on their way.

-

Sundin tossed Rossi his cell. "Some woman wants to talk to you, says her name is Erin."

"Oh, great," Rossi muttered under his breath. "Hello... Yes... You are coming to bail me out... Oh, thank god... I remember why I married you now!"

-

The Strauss arrived at the jail, and hassled Sundin until he decided that holding Rossi was no longer worth it, so he released him. Rossi accompanied The Strauss into her beat-up Pinto, and she turned the keys five times before the piece of junk actually started. They drove quietly toward the border for a while, until Rossi made a deadly mistake.

As Rossi's hand reached for the dial of the radio, The Strauss snapped, "Don't touch that!"

"I was just going to put on a..."

"Are you back talking the woman that bailed you out?"

"No, ma'am... I just..."

"Just shut up! I'm already mad as hell that I had to waste my time bailing out my ex, now I have to listen to you gripe and complain like always."

"Now I remember why we got a divorce," Rossi muttered.

The Strauss slammed on the brakes. "Get out of the car!"

"What?!?!?"

"You heard me! You can walk all the way to Boston to join the team!"

"Hell no! Are you insane?!?!?"

"Police! Police!"

"Alright, alright, I'm goin'!"

Rossi climbed out of the Pinto, slammed the door shut, and started the long walk to the nearest rental car place. "My legs are probably faster than that stupid little car of hers, anyways," he mumbled to himself.


	9. Chapter 9

Rossi had stopped at a hotel in New York with an all-you-can-eat buffet for the night. Meanwhile, the team was having other issues. The case was going slow. Ok, _very _slow. So slow, in fact, that no one was doing anything except for sitting on their asses and doing nothing.

_Why did I convince that guy to let us stay on the case, _JJ asked herself. Her bad mood was starting to return. The Ridge Racer theme began to blast in the room again. _He really should get a new ringtone, that thing drives me up the wall. _

Hotch answered. "Hello... Yes, ma'am..."

"Oh boy," JJ exclaimed with fake excitement, "The Wicked Witch has returned!"

This gained two grins from Morgan and Em, a smirk from Hotch, who was still listening to The Strauss gripe and complain, and a clueless look from Reid, who apparently didn't understand the reference.

"What does she mean," Reid asked. Morgan and Em just looked at each other and shook their heads, ashamed of their young colleague.

"Mm-hmm...," Hotch said, then took the phone off his ear and said to JJ, "The witch heard you." JJ smirked, then shrugged and began trying to explain to Reid what she meant.

"I heard that, Hotch," The Strauss roared. "Would you like me to investigate your team's behavior again?"

"Of course I would," Hotch said sarcastically, "Who wouldn't want to have a pretty face like yours around?"

JJ snickered. She'd hate to admit it, but she found Hotch's sarcastic humor to be hysterical. He was actually a cool guy... when he wasn't being a bully, of course.

"Wh... why thank you," The Strauss said. Whether her phone was breaking up or she just sucked at recognizing sarcasm, that was unclear. Hotch rolled his eyes, disappointed that his sarcasm was so easily ignored. "When Rossi gets there," The Strauss continued, "Make his life a living hell."

"Will do... Bye."

"What'd she say," Em asked.

"She said that when Rossi gets here, we make his life a living hell. So I'm putting him on coffee duty. No profiling for him, just running to the coffee machine and back. If you want sugar, tell him. If you prefer pumpkin spice or some other sort of flavoring, tell him. All day, for as long as we're here. How does that sound?"

JJ grinned from ear to ear, and started rubbing her hands together maniacally. "I could get used to this," she said.

"Thought so."

"Wait," Morgan butted in, "Does that mean that you like 'pumpkin spice' in your coffee, Hotch?"

Hotch coughed, then answered, "No, of course not. I drink mine black as can be, straight out of the pot."

"Riiiight"

Hotch glared at Morgan. "We have work to do, so let's focus, please."

"Aye-aye, sir," Reid said, hopping out of his chair, saluting Hotch, and then scribbling some genius stuff on the marker board.

"What the hell is he doing," JJ muttered under her breath to Em.

"Who knows?"

"You think he is still on those drugs?"

"Hm... maybe. If so, I wish he could hook me up with some."

JJ looked over at Em suspiciously, then eased up when Em's smile let her know that she was kidding. "Shouldn't joke like that."

"And you shouldn't call your boss' boss a witch."

"Touché," JJ said. The two women continued watching Reid do whatever it was he was doing.

Morgan came up to Hotch, stared the man dead in the face, and said, "You don't have to lie to me, Hotch. If you like to put some flavor in your coffee, then just tell me. It doesn't make you any less of a man. Hell, I enjoy a little hazelnut Coffee-Mate in mine on occasion."

Hotch looked from side-to-side, leaned in and whispered to Morgan, "To be honest, I enjoy a dash of pumpkin spice, yes."

Morgan nodded his head knowingly, then gave Hotch a firm hand shake. "Right on, brother, right on."

"Look at those two bozos," Em said, pointing to Hotch and Morgan.

"Yep, they've been chummy like that all day," JJ replied.

"You don't think..."

"_No__! _They couldn't... could they?"

"... Nah. Morgan likes his lady friends too much, and Hotch was married. Still kind of weird, though."

JJ shrugged. "Wonder what they are talking about, anyway."

"Probably not the case."

"Case, what case?"

Em snorted. "I know what you mean."


	10. Chapter 10

Hotch walked away from Morgan, and was heading in JJ's and Em's direction.

"Oh shit," Em muttered.

"Don't worry about it," JJ whispered to her. "Got it all under control."

"JJ, conference room," Hotch said. "Now!"

Now it was JJ's turn to mutter. "Oh shit." She rolled her eyes before starting to get up.

"Aw, he's got a soft spot for you," Em said. "Don't worry about it."

"Thanks," JJ said with a small smile towards her friend, then followed Hotch into the conference room.

"Oooo, JJ's in trouble," Morgan mocked as they went. JJ flicked him off behind Hotch's back before entering the room. Hotch closed the door and the blinds.

"What," JJ asked with a bit of a harsh tone.

"That's what," Hotch said, not raising his voice, "What is up with you today?"

JJ shrugged.

"Alright," Hotch said. He was starting to get angry with his favorite young agent, and raised his voice slightly as he talked, "In that case, let me give you an idea of how you've been acting. You called my boss a 'Wicked Witch.' Now sure, I get why you'd think that, but I've had enough trouble with that woman in the past, and so have you. On any other day, you wouldn't have said that. You also wanted to kill both The Strauss and your colleague, Rossi. Now, I get it, we are all a little ticked at Rossi right now, but wanting to kill him or even joking about it is out-of-line. You know that. All of this tells me that there is something wrong. So, are you going to talk to me or not?"

JJ looked down, shuffling her feet.

"JJ, look at me," Hotch said with a softer tone. She slowly looked into his brown eyes. "You can talk to me. You know that, right?"

JJ nodded, sighed, then said, "I know. I'm ok, Hotch, nothing to worry about."

Hotch knew there was something there, but he decided to wait until the normally cheerful agent was ready to tell him herself. "Ok," he sighed," So I don't need to worry about any more of the comments?"

"No sir."

"And you are going to approach the job with a more positive attitude?"

"Yes sir."

"Alright, then let's get back to work."

-

Meanwhile, the Three Stooges in the other room had been doing what the team seemed to do best, gossip about each other. Reid jealously glared at the door. _Wish I was in there with her_, he thought. Morgan and Em were conversing about the situation.

"What's the deal with those two," Morgan asked his brunette friend.

"Don't know. They usually get along, though."

"Yeah, but they've been at each others' throats all day."

Em nodded, "I think that JJ is pissed at Hotch for whatever reason, and Hotch has decided that enough is enough."

"Sure it isn't a lovers' quarrel? They've always seemed very close."

Em wiggled her eyebrows, then snorted. "Nah. Besides, Hotch isn't allowed to have any more lovers. He isn't a pimp."

"Huh?" Morgan looked puzzled.

"Oh, nothing," Em said, "They have a mother-daughter relationship. I kind of envy it, actually."

"You want Hotch to be your mother," Morgan asked with a grin.

Em was caught slightly off-guard. "Well, no," she said with an embarrassed smile, "you know what I meant!"

"Yeah, I was just yankin' your chain a bit. Oh, here they come." Right then, Hotch and JJ walked out. JJ faked a smile, but the profilers saw how infuriated she was simply by looking into her blue eyes. Hotch, on the other hand, looked tired and stressed. He was pale, he had bags under his eyes, and he was not the typical Super Hotch that they were all accustomed to.

"Back to work," Hotch growled at the rest of his team. And for once, they actually tried to do a little.


	11. Chapter 11

Rossi stepped into the HQ of the BPD, looked around, spread his hands out and said, "Never fear, the Ross-Man is here! So, did you miss me?"

To Rossi's disappointment, he only received a few glares (JJ and Hotch), an eye roll (Reid), and some snickers (the leftover gamblers). However, Rossi refused to let this not-so-warm welcome get him down. "Sooo, where do I start?"

"You don't," Hotch said bluntly.

"Large coffee with three cups of sugar," Reid said with a grin. Morgan just shook his head. _When will the kid learn that there should be more coffee than sugar, _he thought.

"Extra large, black," JJ said with a smirk, spreading her hands apart to represent the size.

"What the hell are you guys lookin' at me for," Rossi asked, a perplexed look on his face.

"You, kind sir," Hotch said sarcastically, "Are on coffee duty indefinitely."

Rossi groaned. He heard some giggles, then glared at Morgan and Em, who seemed to be enjoying this little situation way too much.

Hotch wagged his finger at Rossi. "Tsk tsk, you must get to work, Agent Rossi. Move on," Hotch said, shooing him towards the coffee maker with a flick of the wrist.

Rossi grumbled profanities as he ventured toward Mr. Coffee.

-

So the case moved on. The team grew ever closer to getting their man and Rossi had served Hotch at least ten cups of coffee with pumpkin spice. Now was the time for The Secret Weapon...

Hotch pulled out his cell. _Good that he is making the call, _JJ thought, rolling her eyes. _I don't think I could have handled that ring tone again. _Hotch dialed the number, and the oracle picked up after the first ring.

"Hello, my bushy-tailed leader," Garcia greeted Hotch, "How can I be of service?"

"I need you to look up guys between the age of 30 and 40 with a criminal record working at seafood restaurants in Boston."

Garcia clacked some keys quickly. "Five guys."

"Narrow it down to guys with battery charges."

"Lucas Rollins."

"Good work, Garcia! Thanks!"

"No problem, honey!" Hotch shook his head as he hung up.

"Got anything," JJ asked.

"A name... oh shit."

"What?"

Hotch's face turned a little red with embarrassment, "I forgot to get an address."

JJ snickered a bit, but then stopped as she received Hotch's death glare. "Hey, you got to admit that it is a little funny."

Hotch's glare intensify, if that is even possible, and JJ rolled her eyes. "Fine, don't have a sense of humor, whatever," she said as she walked out to the lobby to talk to the detective in charge.


	12. Chapter 12

It was well after midnight. Rossi had been snoring at a table for the last two hours, and the team was lagging without his coffee services. This was particularly tough on the younger coffee addicts, JJ and Reid.

"Coffee," they moaned in unison. Reid's head slowly drooped until it touched the desk, his long hair covering his face. JJ's pretty blue eyes lacked life, flickering constantly.

"Come on, kiddies," Emily said encouragingly, "We are all tired, but if we can just finish this little bit of work, we'll be done for the night." Reid was already out. JJ tried to open her eyes, groaned a little, then slumped down in her chair and succumbed to slumber.

Morgan glanced over at Rossi, "Useless lard ass," he muttered.

The only one that wasn't complaining, sleeping, or saying anything in general was Hotch. He was a man on a mission, absolutely relentless. He stopped when he noticed the lack of energy from his younger agents. "Get some rest, guys; you'll need it for tomorrow." He turned to Morgan and Em, "You two need rest, too."

"No way, Hotch," Morgan said, "We aren't leaving you here to work on this all by yourself."

Hotch sighed. "Alright, then let's just hurry and get it done so that we can all sleep."

"Sounds good," Em said with a slight smile, all she could muster at this point. She looked at the file that Hotch tossed to her side of the table.

"Can't wait to tackle this guy tomorrow," Morgan said.

"Yeah," Hotch said, "I think we are all ready for this case to be over."

Morgan nodded. "Got that right!"

"Yeah, I want my pretty view of DC back," Em said, thinking of the amazing view outside her apartment window.

"A real bed would be nice," Hotch said. Then he became all-business again. "Alright, we need to re-focus. Are we absolutely sure that Rollins is our guy?"

"Everything here points to it," Morgan said. Em nodded in agreement.

"Alright," Hotch said, "then we'll pay him a little visit at his apartment tomorrow. Until then..."

"Sleepy time," Em said with quiet enthusiasm.

"Um, yeah, I guess you could say that," Hotch said.

"Night," Morgan said, "Hope you guys are ready to kick serious criminal ass in the morning."


	13. Chapter 13

The team was all split up. Rossi and Reid were cleaning up and packing up all the team's supplies. JJ was preparing herself to brief the press as soon as Rollins was taken in. Em, Morgan, and Hotch headed to Rollins' apartment, Hotch at the wheel. Detective Brown tailgated them in his Crown Vic.

"What the hell is he doin' all over my bumper," Hotch asked, resisting the urge to put the pedal down a little harder. _Lucky I didn't let Morgan drive, _he thought, knowing that the short-fused agent would have stomped on the gas by now.

"Cool it, Hotch, he is giving us a good two centimeters," Em said sarcastically.

Hotch's glare came from the corner of his eye and only lasted a second, but it silenced Em immediately. Morgan snickered silently from the back seat.

"How much longer to the apartment," Morgan asked, jumping out of his skin in anticipation to take Rollins down.

"Two minutes," Em said after a glance at the map.

Sure enough, two minutes later, they had arrived. Morgan swung the side door open before the SUV had even stopped, and leapt out as soon as it halted. He was at a full sprint as soon as his feet touched the ground, visions of scrambling at Northwestern flashing before his eyes. Em and Hotch took out their Glocks, carefully surveying the area as they let the bull run. Morgan found the apartment, kicked open the door, and nailed the guy inside. The man, who was down to a T-shirt, boxers, and calf-high socks, was sent sprawling ten feet from Morgan's vicious impact.

"Woooooo," Morgan yelled, the adrenaline pumping through his veins. He flipped the stunned Rollins over on his back, handcuffing him and dragging him to his feet. He read him his rights as he shoved him out the door. "Lucas Rollins, you are under arrest for murder. Any stupid thing you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you are broke, then a damn lawyer will be provided to you..."

Em grinned at her friend as he pushed Rollins towards Brown, who took it from there. "Nice goin'," she said.

"Thanks," Morgan said, full of pride.

Hotch nodded. Normally he would allow a small smile, but not today. Instead, he just said, "Let's get home."

"Yes, sir," Morgan yelled with a grin.


	14. Chapter 14

The team loaded onto the jet quickly, ready to get home and get some well-deserved rest. Morgan, Em, and Reid were centered around one of the tables. Em read a book while Morgan and Reid played poker.

"Ooo," Morgan said, raising his eyebrows a bit as he viewed his hand.

"Some poker face you have there," Reid said with an eye roll.

"If only you could see my hand, youngster," Morgan said arrogantly. Reid hated being taunted by him, but he also realized that it was usually Morgan's way of bluffing. _Thank you, mad profiling skills,_ Reid thought to himself.

"Would you guys keep it down a little," Em said, "I'm trying to read."

Morgan sighed obnoxiously loud. "Oh, if you insist, little rich one." Em shot Morgan a glare. He flashed her a mega-watt smile. "Just messing with you, girl. We'll keep it to a dull roar."

"Thank you," Em said sweetly.

"Ha! Royal Flush," Reid yelled.

"Damn it," Morgan shouted, throwing his cards down.

Em sighed. _Why can I never find any peace and quiet?_

Meanwhile, JJ, Rossi, and Hotch were on the other side of the Learjet. JJ was sacked out on the couch, her favorite blanket covering her slumbering figure. Rossi and Hotch were at the table. Hotch watched her for a few minutes. He considered everything that happened on the case, but the thing that kept butting its way into his mind was her comment about not being his servant. She was right, he worked her too hard. Yet at the same time, it bothered him because it had never bothered her before. The fact that she hadn't spoken to him since the case ended didn't help matters. He wondered if there was something else there.

"Aaron," Rossi said, slight impatience ringing in his voice. "Earth to Aaron?"

"Huh? Oh, sorry. What's up?"

"You ok?"

"JJ had a rough time on the case."

"You can't solve every single thing with the team, Aaron. She'll be ok. You need to stop being so hard on yourself."

"I snapped at her."

"It happens. Apologize to her, if that is even necessary... Is it necessary?"

"She's pissed."

"Ok, then apologize. And if that isn't enough, do something to make it up to her. She admires you, Hotch, I'm sure it'll turn out ok. But until then, you need to take a page out of her book and get some sleep." Rossi looked at the bags under Hotch's eyes, they were brutal. "It has been a long couple of weeks, and you could definitely use some rest."

"Alright, Dave. Thanks."

"No problem."

"Nice to have you back, by the way."

Rossi threw his hands up in the air. "Well, it is about time somebody noticed that I was gone!"

Hotch smiled, then situated himself in his typical sleeping position (would hate to wrinkle the suit) and tried to catch a little shut-eye.

**AN: Thanks to everyone that read and reviewed. Special thanks to everyone on the CBS Message Boards who read and supported my spoof and who are currently reading my fic. You guys are the reason why I continue to write.**


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